I'm a mom, always and forever and foremost, but I'm not *just* a mom
Caroline: When I grow up, I want to be a daddy.
John: Why?
Caroline: Because I want to go to work.
Even writing it now, I feel a stab of pain in my chest and a little bile in my throat.
I am a proud stay-at-home mom. I feel very, very strongly about my decision to stay home. It is, without a doubt, the only way I will raise my kids.
But I am an adamant feminist. I want my daughters to know they have choices. I want my daughters to have it all. Hell, I want to have it all.
And I believe that I do have it all. I had a career. Even now, I put my degree to use and earn a little bit of income. For a short period, I'm at home raising my girls, but I will return to work someday. I hope then that Caroline can see that women, mommies even, have careers.
I think what bothers me most about her comment is that she sees what John does as better... more fun. That makes me worry that I do not seem, to her, at least, to love what I am doing every day. I think of all the times I must seem rushed and frustrated to her. I am going to imprint her words into my brain to remind myself to show her how much I love what I do.
Because I do. And I hope someday she gets to have a career. And be home with her babies. And then continue her career. It is a wonderful life!
John: Why?
Caroline: Because I want to go to work.
Even writing it now, I feel a stab of pain in my chest and a little bile in my throat.
I am a proud stay-at-home mom. I feel very, very strongly about my decision to stay home. It is, without a doubt, the only way I will raise my kids.
But I am an adamant feminist. I want my daughters to know they have choices. I want my daughters to have it all. Hell, I want to have it all.
And I believe that I do have it all. I had a career. Even now, I put my degree to use and earn a little bit of income. For a short period, I'm at home raising my girls, but I will return to work someday. I hope then that Caroline can see that women, mommies even, have careers.
I think what bothers me most about her comment is that she sees what John does as better... more fun. That makes me worry that I do not seem, to her, at least, to love what I am doing every day. I think of all the times I must seem rushed and frustrated to her. I am going to imprint her words into my brain to remind myself to show her how much I love what I do.
Because I do. And I hope someday she gets to have a career. And be home with her babies. And then continue her career. It is a wonderful life!
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6 Comments:
you said everything i feel!!!!!!!!!
Oh, she will though. One of the funniest stories I can tell about my stay-at-home days vs my working days was when I had that part time job for the mobile vet clinic in Massachusetts--I got my first pay check, it was for a couple weeks' worth of work, so like $120.00, it was peanuts, but Alex and Katie passed it back and forth between them with their eyes huge, staring at that number, and Alex, who could read, said, "One HUNDRED and Twenty Dollars! Wow, Mom, you make a LOT of money!"
See, Mike's check was directly deposited, so they never got to physically handle it and see what number was on it. For that day, I was a hero with my measly $120 check. It's all in the presentation.
The kids know that Mike is a scientist and they can picture that, so it seems very concrete and understandable to them. They've seen pictures of scientists wearing white lab coats and goggles, so they can get it. They understood my vet assisting, because that's something concrete and in their lives, too, but they do not understand what a "social worker" does at all. Nor did I ever understand what a CPA was, so I always appreciated my mom's job (school librarian) more. They don't really place values on jobs now like we do, they just value jobs that are easily understood and recognized. If you were a cashier at the grocery store, you'd be the bees knees to her, 'cause she could easily picture it and get it. Know what I mean?
But, when my kids make the comment about how I don't work (and I have heard that from time to time)--or even worse, that daddy's my "boss" (that just about did me in), I set them straight best I can. As Alex and Katie are aging, they have a broader sense of what "work" is, too. They know that writing the book was "work" even though I wasn't paid for it like a regular job. She'll get it, Amanda, and think of how you're educating her along the way, just by living your life as an example!
Oh, but you mean that she values John working more than your staying home? Ah, that's just because what he does is different. She's with YOU all day, so leaving and going somewhere else is going to seem very alluring, because getting to go somewhere every day is a fun idea to her. Her perception will change.
ha! send her to work with John one day and force her to sit in a chair for hours at a time and then she will see that being a mommy is so much more fun :)
BTW--I share the same feelings as you about women's choices etc. The only difference is in some ways I think I still have not accepted being a stay at home mom. Or at least the cleaning aspect of the job.
Ah yes... Elisan has said the same thing to me! Read my reaction:
http://haphazardhappenstances.blogspot.com/2006/10/down-to-quick.html
I love being a mom... it's the only job I have ever felt successful at! Even working 20 hours a week, I still feel HUGE amounts of guilt b/c I am not devoting 100% of my time to them!
It's hard all the way around...but, as long as we continue to nurture and love our children, they will love us no matter what!
Great post Amanda. I agree with everything you said. I have to remind myself often that I am not "just" a mom. Very well written!!
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